- Coach Craft
- Posts
- Pat The Parent
Whenever I speak to coaches in the pathway system, the same question comes up: How do you suggest we deal with increasingly overbearing parents?
It’s a difficult question to answer, firstly because I never had to deal with that problem, and secondly because my own kids are too young for me to have the option to be an overbearing parent for myself.
The story that I relay, though, is the one I’m going to tell you today. And it comes from someone who has been on both sides of the equation.
Pat Summitt needs no introduction in coaching circles, she won 8 national championships at Tennessee, and…you know what, rather than writing out a full wrap sheet on the rest of her accomplishments why don’t I just say this: she was awarded a Presidential Medal of Freedom by Barack Obama in 2012.
About her own experience dealing with overbearing parents at Tennessee, she writes this:
“There are few things more potentially disharmonious than a parent who doesn’t understand his or her proper role in the team concept. Parents think their daughter should be playing more or that they know more about how to coach her than I do. I ask them to trust me and let me do the coaching. I ask for their support in making a cohesive unit out of our players. When I discipline or bench a player, our parents must understand that I have to do what I think is best for all. Their proper role on our team is to support their daughter and our team.”
But when Summitt’s son, Tyler, started playing soccer, she was faced with an interesting dilemma — was she to try to coach him, or play her proper role as a parent?
Admittedly, Summitt found this much harder than she anticipated: “When I watched him play, all my coaching instincts came to the forefront—and so did my ego.”
As Tyler came off for a break, she fought with every fibre of her being not to give him advice, just reassurance. After a minute, Pat the Parent couldn’t resist anymore, and leaned down to tell him to be more aggressive and get in there and kick the ball more.
“When he went back into the game, I was one proud mother. He kicked the ball. He ran so hard, he knocked people down. He was aggressive. Boy, did I puff up. I was pretty full of myself, thinking, That’s my boy!” she writes.
Until halftime, when Tyler slinks back over to his mother, head down.
“Mom, I’m so confused,” the younger Summitt said. “You told me to get in there and kick the ball and be aggressive. But my coach told me I was supposed to be back on defense and protect the goal. What do I do?”
The blood rushed from Pat Summitt’s head. “I went pale,” she admits.
Taking a second to compose herself, one of the greatest coaches to have ever lived bent down and said to her kid, “Son, you do exactly what your coach tells you to do.”
So, while I don’t have an answer to what to do about increasingly overbearing parents, Pat Summitt does. And if one of the greatest coaches of all-time can find it within herself to be a supportive parent instead of interfering with an Under-7s soccer coach somewhere in Knoxville, Tennessee, I think all parents can find a way to place a level of trust and faith in the coach of their kids.
1:1 Coaching with Cody
I’ve opened up two more spots for 1:1 coaching with coaches in elite sport.
If you’re interested in working with me, the first step is to get in touch!
You can reply to this email, or head to codyroyle.com to learn more about my approach.