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- Expect More
Muffet McGraw says her coaching philosophy can be summed up in two words:
Expect more!
McGraw joined Notre Dame’s women’s basketball program at a point where, ten years into their existence, they had never made a post-season appearance.
Slowly but surely, the Fighting Irish kept winning more regular seasons games, and made the Invitational Tournament (the second tier post-season). Then they started making March Madness. Then they started winning games in March Madness. Then they made the Final Four. Then, in her fourteenth season at the helm, McGraw’s team won the national championship. Then, seventeen years later, they did it again!
As they built their program, they just kept expecting more.
The phrase became a worthy title of McGraw’s second book, released shortly after her retirement in 2020.
However, it is not an autobiography, it is ‘a guide for women on reaching their potential’. In particular, it serves as a push for female coaches to keep reaching for the top and not accept the status quo.
Here are 16 pieces of encouragement from McGraw that stand out to me the most:
“You can’t try to protect a lead by hoping something good happens. You can’t hope the other team misses. You have to set the tone early and let the other team know that you are prepared to battle for the entire forty minutes of the game. This philosophy is true for any part of life. You can’t take for granted that things will work out on their own. You have to be the one to achieve your own success.”
“Most people don’t know how much more they have inside of them that is still untapped. A leader is needed to pull out the extra potential. You do have to be careful that the person you are pushing to be great may not want to be. Some people are easily satisfied.”
“In the book Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance—What Women Should Know, authors Katty Kay and Claire Shipman present data that a girl’s confidence peaks at age nine and doesn’t really return to that same level until she is in her twenties. What happens in between? What makes girls stop believing in themselves during their teen years? How many times in class is a question asked and girls are hesitant to raise their hands even though they know the answer? When someone asks how to attack a problem, why do girls wait for boys to answer first?”
“Men have been displaying swagger on the basketball court for years. Why aren’t women encouraged to visibly celebrate and play with swagger? Outside of the sports arena, the same has been true. Men typically have a bigger presence in the workplace, boldly making themselves known. Women have more often shrunk into the background, doing their jobs well without drawing outward attention to themselves.”
“I’ve seen a lot of visibly emotional men coaching basketball, both men’s and women’s basketball. They are often disheveled and enraged on the sidelines. They rant and rave at the referees. Why is this only acceptable for men? Women coaches are supposed to have a quiet confidence, but men can be demonstratively confident.”
“Women, in general, never assume that their way is the best. We want to have all the information at hand before we move forward. We want to be right! But I suggest we change our mindset and be more willing to be more spontaneous and answer first, even if we are wrong. We can always learn from our errors.”
“Women take criticism so personally but can’t take compliments the same way. We walk a fine line between being confident and not too confident lest we be accused of being arrogant. We need to speak up for ourselves, but not too loudly because we are supposed to be humble. We should be proud of our success, but not brag because we are supposed to be team players. It’s truly exhausting when you think about it!”
“Often, women are hesitant to step up and lead with their voices and I think a lot of it has to do with wanting to be liked. I always ask my team captains, “Do you want to win or do you want to be liked?” because most times you can’t have it both ways. In basketball, there are times when a leader will need to get on her teammates for their lack of hustle or focus. A leader will need to dish out some tough love in order to let someone know that she isn’t doing what needs to be done on the court. Team leaders can’t worry about hurting someone’s feelings when they are in the middle of the game.”
“Being decisive is another important trait for a leader. Why do women think they can’t handle that kind of pressure? I think one of the reasons is that women imagine they have to overthink each decision before choosing an option and proceeding. That’s not really true.”
“Women tend to think that everything has to be perfect before they make a decision. If there is a job opening and there are six qualifications needed and a woman meets five of the six, she dismisses herself as a candidate. Oppositely, if a man has only two of the qualifications for the same job he thinks “I can learn the rest after I’m hired.”
“Wouldn’t it be great if women treated themselves like they treat their friends when those friends have an opportunity to be promoted or to take a new job? We encourage our friends and tell them how ready they are, how perfect the fit is, and how successful they will be after they are hired. But when it’s for ourselves, we automatically think of all the reasons why we aren’t meant for the job. Women worry about so many things. We worry about what our current boss will think if it becomes known we applied for another job. Or we worry about whether our current boss’s willingness to recommend us for another job is because he or she wants us to leave. Again, exhausting.”
“When I first started coaching, I always had a man on my staff. I thought that it would be great to be a woman and have men work for me and to have my team see that. Later, we committed to an all-female staff. When we went to the Final Four, we realized we were picking up a lot of new fans because others thought it was important in women’s basketball to have all women coaches. It was important to show others that an all-women staff could be just as successful as a staff with men.”
“I think, in general, women leaders need to look for more opportunities to connect with other leaders in the same profession. It isn’t that hard to do. In basketball, when teams come in to play a men’s game at their school, it’s easy for a women’s coach to ask the opposing men’s coach if they can watch his team‘s shoot-around. When you are out on the road recruiting, you can always check to see if there is a college team practicing nearby that you could go and watch. The specific ways of reaching out to colleagues in other professions may differ, but the principles and value are the same. Women are sometimes afraid that they won’t appear as confident if they go around asking what others in their field are doing. I think it’s just the opposite. You show your confidence by acknowledging that you don’t know everything and that you are willing to learn.”
“So many women head coaches hire men on their staff when there are countless women who are as qualified, if not more so. Men coaching women’s teams also hire other men as assistants. I don’t understand this. Young women need to be able to learn from and talk with someone who has gone through some of the same things they are going through. It’s impossible for a man to understand sexism when he has never experienced it. Men can be role models of character, mentors, and skill instructors for women. But they can’t teach women how to find their voices in a male-dominated workplace and world. Men can’t show women how to lead like a woman. This is why we need more female role models.”
“The ‘old boys’ network’ is still going strong. How can women break it up or compete against it? We need a better network of women helping women. We need to use our connections and ask for help from other women. If we are in a position of power, we need to reach back and pull more women up with us. Women are great at networking when they are trying to get their kids on the right soccer team or a ride to school. So why not use those same skills for when you are trying to break into or move up in a profession?”
“So why aren’t there more women in power? Because we are holding ourselves back! This isn’t the senior prom. Stop waiting to be asked. You don’t need anyone’s permission to reach the top. If you want to be heard, speak up. If you want respect, command it. If you want the job, go for it. Stop waiting around for someone to notice you. What’s the worst thing that can happen to you if you step up to lead? I think about what I would tell my team: “We may lose the game but we are going down swinging.”